Must Get Out

When the outside temperature rises
And the meaning is oh, so clear
One thousand and one yellow daffodils
Begin to dance in front of you, oh dear
Are they trying to tell you something?
You're missing… kshhhhhhh

…final screw… kshhhpffshhhh

Static cut in through Sadie’s car speakers.

Be honest… kshhh… got a clue… krckshhh

I'm going slightly mad

I'm… shkhhphhhh…ly mad
It finally happened, happened
It finally… kshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

WZLX 100.7 had gotten out of range. Sadie turned the dial methodically.

She was gonna shake her ass on the hood of White Snake’s car

Sadie turned the stereo up and sang along, drumming on the steering wheel.

Her yellow SUV is now the enemy…

The blue Mazda whizzed under a sign for Highway 495. Sadie kept straight, driving west on I-90 as Mapquest had directed, although she didn’t need Mapquest to get where she was going, which, if she had been honest, wasn’t really anywhere particularly. A tiny orange light bulb clicked on behind the glass, alerting her to the dwindling supply in the gas tank. One exit later, around the time Bowling for Soup was complaining about Ozzy being an actor, Sadie veered off and pulled into a Sunoco station to refuel.

Card reader error – Try again

Sadie swiped her card in the credit card machine a second time and got the same message. She sighed, pulled the card out, and jogged toward the glass doors. Little bells jingled as she entered, and her eyes locked onto a man behind the counter wearing a Red Sox cap over wavy, dirty-blonde hair. He offered Sadie a close-lipped smile. She returned the smile and walked quickly down the aisle where they kept the chips and trail mix. She really wanted chips, but trail mix was healthier, so she compromised on a bag of Chex Mix, telling herself it was at least more nutritious than chips (even though she knew it probably wasn’t). After selecting a water bottle, she headed up to the counter, avoiding eye contact with the blonde. She set her items in front of him along with a twenty-dollar bill.

“I’ll take these, and put the rest on pump four, please.”

“You got it.” His voice was deep. She looked up at his face and noticed him smiling again as he opened the cash register. “Minus $3.51 for the snacks, that’s $16.49 on pump four. Does that sound right?”

The light caught the man’s eyes under his hat, and they flickered bright blue. Subtle wrinkles formed at his temples as he smiled warmly at her, which she reciprocated, more genuinely this time.

“Yeah, that sounds right.” The man held out a small plastic bag of the Aquafina and Chex Mix, and she took it with her left hand. His eyes blinked down and clearly took note of the gold diamond ring on her finger. “Thanks.”

“Have a good day,” he stated as she pulled open the door, which jingled again. She nodded back at him, but he was looking down, counting cash.

The engine revved, and the line on the gas gauge shot up and settled just barely below the F. Enough to get a few hundred miles, at least. Sadie pulled out of the lot and stopped at a red light just before the on-ramp back to the highway. From under the gas station bag, she slipped out the pages she had printed out and set on her passenger seat. Stay on the I-90 all the way through Chicago before switching to the 94… somewhere in Wisconsin. She figured she should be able to get to Syracuse without stopping, so long as her bladder held out. Damn.  She contemplated going back to use the bathroom, but decided to risk it.

Sadie set the papers back on their seat and looked up at the still red traffic light hanging stagnantly against the clouds. Through her cracked window, she felt a small breeze—she was only just outside of Boston, but the cool, November air already felt more pure. Another minute passed, and she looked around to see empty roads in every direction. She ran the light and continued onto the interstate.

After a few songs and several handfuls of Chex Mix (minus the little pumpernickel crisps—she liked to save those for last), Sadie heard the familiar chime of her cell phone and turned off the stereo. Left hand bracing the wheel, she reached around to the back seat and pulled a silver phone out of her purse. The name Rodney was displayed in small gray letters on the tiny screen.  

“Hey Rodney.”

“Hey Sade, what’s going on?”

“What do you mean? You got my voicemail, right?”

“Yeah, but what’s going on? Where are you going?”

She let out a quick sigh. “I told you, I’m taking a spontaneous vacation.”

“Spontaneous? Where are you going? How long do you need me to watch the store?”

“I don’t know for sure. Probably a couple weeks. Is that alright?” He didn’t reply. “I’m going to Seattle. I haven’t seen my friends out there in—”

“Sadie, seriously? You’re driving all the way to Seattle?”

“Rodney, can you watch the store or not? If you really can’t, I understand. I can turn around. I’m sorry I didn’t give you more of a heads up.”

“No, I can do it. Don’t turn around. You deserve a vacation.” He took a beat. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine.”

“Okay.”

“Oh, we should be getting a big shipment in from Harper Collins today, so make sure you sign for that. And you’ll need to get all the new books inventoried.”

“I know, you had me set up that order, remember?”

“Good, just making sure. And please set them out nicely, not in piles.”

He let out a chuckle. “Sure, Sade.”

A few seconds passed. “Okay. Well, I should probably hang up. You know, driving.”

“Is Scott not with you?”

Sadie felt a lurch in her stomach. She kept her tone even. “No, why?”

“Just wondered. You know…”

“What’s up?”

“If you need a place to go or something, I have a guest room.”

“I said I’m fine, Rodney.” She let herself sound annoyed. “I gotta go.”

“Okay. Drive safe. Love you.”

“Love you too. Thanks for your help.”

Sadie snapped her phone shut and turned the radio back on. The new Alicia Keys song, “If I Ain’t Got You,” was playing. She turned the dial to the next station that sounded clear. “The Reason,” Hoobastank. Then she clicked open the glove compartment, pulled out a worn leather CD case, and slipped a scarlet disc from its sleeve.

How dare you say that my behavior's unacceptable
So condescending, unnecessarily critical

The loud beat reverberated through the car, and Sadie muttered along with the lyrics. She squinted at the sun gleaming in her rearview mirror, then tilted it to face the floor. The odometer climbed from 143,026 to 143,047.

Sadie’s mind drifted. Flashes of last night’s discussion asserted themselves to the forefront of her thoughts in spite of her best efforts to drown them in alternative pop rock. “If you aren’t ready, why did you say yes?” Scott had asked. He’d been avoiding the question for months now, but after her latest explanation for her resistance to setting a wedding date didn’t quite satisfy him, it seemed he couldn’t hold it in any longer. 

“What makes you think I’m not ready?” She had immediately regretted that response, and it was followed with a long list of mostly relevant anecdotes. She hadn’t been trying to hint at anything. Unless maybe, subconsciously.

Another glint from the mirror caught her eye, not from the sun this time, but from the vintage diamond ring in the cup holder. She turned the volume up louder still, and sang out to the highway.

When I was fumbling through your dresser drawer
Forgot what I was looking for
Try to guide me in the right direction
Making use of all this time
Keeping everything inside
Close my eyes and listen to you cry, yeah